Oasis

So, yeah. Here I am at the library again… a place of rest from the noise outside.

Last night, I realized so many, many things. People act the way they do because there are reasons that make them that way. As a leader, I am told to be sensitive and kind to people, especially to the people that I lead. Dealing with people that act differently–some of them very difficult–has always been a challenge. I tend to be shallow and insensitive and prone to blaming others for their mistakes. But last night… last night, it changed.

One of my cell group members messaged me that she is not okay. And she later on told me about her situation. Her dad doesn’t want her to stay in their home anymore, and was telling her to go to her mom. They are a broken family so she doesn’t know where to find her. He was telling her things that are really painful for a child to hear. I imagined myself in her situation and it’s not easy… especially when words like “you’re worthless” comes from the mouth of your dad. I told her that is not true. Our worth is not lessened just because of other people’s inability to see it. It’s God who only sees.

Later on, I finally called her after praying, and a choking voice answered the call. She told me that God is still good, because her auntie was used by God to provide her a place to stay. I was relieved, disturbed, and guilty–all at the same time. Relieved because the situation is getting better. Disturbed because I was worried about its possible effects on her. Guilty because I finally understood why she is being difficult. She has issues, bogged down by many problems in their family at a very young age… and it’s not just right that I chastise her when she goes to church and add to her frustrations. The church–her spiritual family is supposed to be her place of comfort, and rest from their home. Just like this library, an oasis on a desert.

I know that there are still a lot of things I don’t know about these children of God (and about leadership), but I am trusting God that He will help me lead. The Holy Spirit is the real Leader, and I’m just His follower. He is the Senior, and I’m just a junior. He is the Boss, and I’m His servant.

What Society Didn’t Tell

“Society kills the teenager”.

I do not know who said those words, but young people seem to understand it very clearly. And maybe, just maybe, those words are true. That society is a killer, because I was once a victim.

Society quotes that “high school is the best part of a person’s life”. Society says that in high school, you will experience countless wonderful things. Society instructs me to treasure every moment of those four years, by doing everything I like to do, making everything of my youth.

Yes, that is what people say—but now that I’m older, I realized what society didn’t say: In high school, you’re going to be a stranger. You have to wear a mask in which you are called in a different name, because under your real name, you will be rejected.

I am sure everyone experienced it. That invisible force that pushes you to do what you shouldn’t be doing in order to fit in to a group. You’re not really that kind of person, but you began wanting to be one just because all of them are. You know that feeling? I felt those, too. You’re slowly and unconsciously turning into a stranger.

I was a victim. I became a different person. I was a product of the society. I was stranger in my own body. I was so not myself.

But here’s the thing: I was lost, but now I’m found.

I became my true self when I knew Who is my Creator. He told me who I am.

Let me put it this way. When you buy a new appliance, how do you know its name and what is its purpose? For example, a rice cooker. How did you know it’s called a “rice cooker” and how it’s used? Did you ask it? No, only the inventor will be able to tell you what is it. And you will know how to use it by reading the manual. It’s the same for us people, we don’t know who we are. And we, too, have a manual. And with that manual made by the Inventor, I knew my purpose. It showed me the way how to be the real me.

That manual is the Bible. And God is the Inventor.

In high school, society killed my true personality. But during high school too, I was born into a new identity. I am a stranger-no-more.

Yet, I Sleep.

“Get up and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation.”

Reading Luke 22 this morning, the echoes of these ancient words reverberated through the corridors of my soul. I was convicted—guilty as charged.

Just hours before he would carry all of humanity’s sins on his shoulders and in his own body, Jesus spoke these words to his friends, disciples, the men who would be responsible for his world-wide mission. He invited them to enter into and share His agony through intercessory prayer. But, they were exhausted with grief and the self-absorbed pursuit of moving up the leadership ladder. How could they sleep while their Master suffered? What a shame! Well, over 2000 years later, He speaks these same words to me.

I am in that garden, sleeping. My Savior invites me to pray with Him, but I am exhausted with grief and hopelessness, self-absorbed pursuits, and the lack of curiosity. My Savior has invited me into His pain. Yet, I sleep. My Savior has invited me to agonize with Him over murder, abortion, rape, slavery, genocide, infanticide, abusive relationships, failing marriages, oil spills, hurricanes, and earthquakes. Yet, I sleep. He comes to me and finds me sleeping. I’m found out. I’m embarrassed. I offer no words of excuse or rationalization. I was sleeping—plain and simple. I wipe the sleep from my eyes and the drool from my mouth, only to recognize that he has been praying while I was sleeping. He has been praying and agonizing over the pain, the brokenness, the sins, the fear, the anxiety, and the hiding of the world, and I have been sleeping. My Savior kneels alone on His praying ground, deeply troubled. Yet, I sleep.

Because I am sleeping, I am not praying. And, because I am not praying, I am more prone to fail. I am in the garden, sleeping, and I am prone to give into all kinds of temptations: irrational fear, unnecessary anxiety, blatant satanic lies that my sins can outrun God’s grace, the delusional belief that I know better than God and can control my own life, and feeding my flesh is more important than feeding my spirit. It’s time for me to:

Get up!

Arise!

Wake up!

Pray!

Intercede!

Talk to God!

Be devoted to prayer!

Enter into this exhausting, powerful, and intimate spiritual habit with my Savior.

Will you join me in being devoted to talking to our heavenly Father daily? Let’s awake and pray so we won’t fail Him and others we love.

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