Oasis

So, yeah. Here I am at the library again… a place of rest from the noise outside.

Last night, I realized so many, many things. People act the way they do because there are reasons that make them that way. As a leader, I am told to be sensitive and kind to people, especially to the people that I lead. Dealing with people that act differently–some of them very difficult–has always been a challenge. I tend to be shallow and insensitive and prone to blaming others for their mistakes. But last night… last night, it changed.

One of my cell group members messaged me that she is not okay. And she later on told me about her situation. Her dad doesn’t want her to stay in their home anymore, and was telling her to go to her mom. They are a broken family so she doesn’t know where to find her. He was telling her things that are really painful for a child to hear. I imagined myself in her situation and it’s not easy… especially when words like “you’re worthless” comes from the mouth of your dad. I told her that is not true. Our worth is not lessened just because of other people’s inability to see it. It’s God who only sees.

Later on, I finally called her after praying, and a choking voice answered the call. She told me that God is still good, because her auntie was used by God to provide her a place to stay. I was relieved, disturbed, and guilty–all at the same time. Relieved because the situation is getting better. Disturbed because I was worried about its possible effects on her. Guilty because I finally understood why she is being difficult. She has issues, bogged down by many problems in their family at a very young age… and it’s not just right that I chastise her when she goes to church and add to her frustrations. The church–her spiritual family is supposed to be her place of comfort, and rest from their home. Just like this library, an oasis on a desert.

I know that there are still a lot of things I don’t know about these children of God (and about leadership), but I am trusting God that He will help me lead. The Holy Spirit is the real Leader, and I’m just His follower. He is the Senior, and I’m just a junior. He is the Boss, and I’m His servant.